I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
