you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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