Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
