Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
