someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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