Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
