If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
