i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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