Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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