THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
