He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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