Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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