so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
