i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
