im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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