Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
they're like a gay fantastic four
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
