Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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