i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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