For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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