things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
