But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
