I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my vagina is haunted
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
