Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
