dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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