Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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