Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
