I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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