Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
