Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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