two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
