BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
