Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
