May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
