So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
