you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
