i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
