i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
