farters have to be the big spoon...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
