Will you blow on my dice?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There r osticjed everywhere
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
