So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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