I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
