Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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