So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
