you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
