The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
