He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
