babies were throwing up all over the place
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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