mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
