Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
