Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
