I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
